I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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