Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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