Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize