I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
