I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
