I skipped work to stalk him.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
