He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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