A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
