My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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