Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
