therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I can text with my tongue
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
