who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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