I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
