finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
