i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
