That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
