im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize