She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
