no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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