There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
