this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
