11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
