ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
