upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
