...so i touched it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
