Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Everything about him screamed your future.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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