you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
