just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Please don't give away my fajitas
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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