All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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