3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
