just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
