ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
