Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
