my shit smells like andre
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
