I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
