every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
