Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
