I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
