but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize