i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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