so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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