Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
