I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
