Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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