Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
