I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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