Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wear drunk well.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
