Umm I'm too high to move.
Apparently you make a good broom.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
