I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
