The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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