He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
