He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
