if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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