Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
