Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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