He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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