No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Come share oat with me in your robe
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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