I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
