If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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