they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
