Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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