Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
