drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize