He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
