I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
