Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize